I need help removing her.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
