Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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