I skipped work to stalk him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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