Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
