Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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