At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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