question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
