i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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