There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
