You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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