Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize