I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize