my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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