just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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