I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
