Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My life is pants optional.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
