Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
