I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
