I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
