I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize