legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I will pee on everything he values.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
