Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
