I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
