I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are the jesus of drinking
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
