there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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