Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i out mim tonsoeep
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