38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
