You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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