I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
