its not stalking. its research.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
