I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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