I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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