About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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