remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found the other keg... it's in the tree
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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