My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
