Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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