Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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