I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
