we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
