I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
