He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
