i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
