Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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