She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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