so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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