Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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