the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
