Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
