i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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