Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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