ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Girls should come with a carfax report
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
