I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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