I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
