right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
