i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
