When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
