Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
