im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it because I queefed?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
a search helicopter?!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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