im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
