hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
