Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
