I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
