lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
