She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
