Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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