Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
