you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
