my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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