I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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