last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
