I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
