you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
