You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
