U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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